「一个英文笑话」急求一个简短英语小笑话

急求一个简短英语小笑话

英语笑话（一） Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea? A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys. 猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢？你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤，而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。这个答案很有意思吧？ Q: How can you most irritate a farmer? A: By treading on his corn? 如果你踩了农夫的玉米或是谷物，他肯定会生气的；而如果你踩了农夫脚底的鸡眼，他会更生气。Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”，也有“鸡眼”的意思。 Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world? A: The snail. It carries its house on its back. 因为snail（蜗牛）的后背上总是背着一所房子，所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮的生物是不足为奇的。你说呢？ Q: What do people do in a clock factory? A: They make faces all day. 一看到make faces这个短语，你可千万别以为是在钟表厂工作的人整天都做鬼脸呀！因为除了这个意思以外，它还可以从字面上解释为制造钟面。 Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep? A: Keep him awake. 怎样才能不让梦游者（sleepwalker）梦游（walk in his sleep）呢？最简单的方法就是不让他睡觉。虽然这不是治疗方法，但如果让梦游者醒着呢，他的确就不会去梦游了。 英语笑话（二） He is really somebody -- My uncle has 1000 men under him. -- He is really somebody. What does he do? -- A maintenance man in a cemetery. 他真是一个大人物 -- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。 -- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的？ -- 墓地守墓人。 英语笑话（三） Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience. At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America." 它们是从美国直接带来的 一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有假。 这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍耐不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元，它们是从美国直接带来的。” 英语笑话（四）my little dog can't read Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog! Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers! Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read. 我的狗不识字 布朗夫人：哦， 亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！ 史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！ 布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。” 英语笑话（五）Bring me the winner -- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw. -- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight. -- Well, bring me the winner then. 给我那个打赢的吧 -- 服务员， 这个龙虾只有一只爪。 -- 对不起，先生，这只肯定打过架了。 -- 哦， 那给我那个打赢的吧。 英语笑话（六）The mean man's party. The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot." "Why use my elbow and foot?" "Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?" 吝啬鬼请客 一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，找中间那个门，然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后，再用你的脚把门推开。” “为什么要用我的肘和脚呢？” “你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪，你总不会空着手来吧？”吝啬鬼回答。

英文短笑话

1、Teacher: whoever answers my next question, can go home.老师：谁能回到我下一个问题，谁就可以回家了。One boy throws his bag out the window.一个小男孩把书包扔到窗外。Teacher: who just threw that?!老师：谁刚刚把书包扔出去了?Boy: Me! I’m going home now.男孩：我!我现在要回家了。2、What dog can jump higher than a building?什么狗比大楼跳的还高?Anydog, buildings can't jump!任何一只狗，大楼又跳不起来。3、What has a head, a tail, and no body?什么有头、有尾，但是没有身体?A coin!硬币。4、What has one eye but cannot see?什么有一只眼睛，却看不见?A needle.针。5、Wife: "How would you describe me?"妻子：你会怎么形容我呢?Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."丈夫：ABCDEFGHIJK.Wife: "What does that mean?"妻子：那是什么意思?Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot."丈夫：迷人的、魅力的、可爱的、令人愉悦的、优雅的、时髦的、漂亮的和火辣的。Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"妻子：哇，谢谢，但是“IJK”是什么意思呢?Husband: "I'm just kidding!"丈夫：开个玩笑!6、Boy: Is this seat empty?男孩：这个座位是空的么？Girl: Yes and this one will be if you sit down.女孩：是的，如果你坐下，我的座位也将是空的。 7、My little dog can't read 我的狗不识字Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!布朗夫人：哦，亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read. 布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。” 8、My Wife Will Exchange Them反正我太太明天会来换的A gentleman walks into a store and asked for a pair of gloves.一位先生走进一家商店要买副手套。″Cloth or leather﹖″ asked the salesperson.“您是要布的还是皮的？”售货员问。″Makes no difference ″replied customer.“没什么区别。”这位顾客回答。″What color﹖″ asked the clerk.“那您要什么颜色的呢？”售货员又问。″Any″ he responded.“什么颜色都成。”他回答。″Size﹖″“号码呢？”″Give me whatever you prefer″ the gentleman said slightly exasperated. ″My wife will be back tomorrow to exchange them.″ “您就随便给我拿一副吧，”这位顾客有点不耐烦了，“反正我太太明天都会来换的。”

要一个非常简单的英语小笑话

1A Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。 “昨天给你的钱干什么了？” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的。” 2Essay Teacher had set his class an essay in "A Game of Cricket". After two minutes Simon Steel handed his paper in and was allowed to go home. His essay read: "Rain stopped play." 作文 老师给学生出了个作文题：“一场板球赛”。两分钟后，西蒙。斯蒂尔交了作文，老师允许他回家了。他在作文上写道：“下雨，比赛终止。” 3Who Discovered Australia? Teacher: Find Australia on the map for me, Johnny. Johnny: It's there, sir. Teacher: That's right. Now Sammy, who discovered Australia? Sammy: Johnny, sir. 谁发现了澳大利亚? 老师：约翰尼，在地图上给我找出澳大利亚在什么地方。 约翰尼：先生，在这儿。 老师：对了。萨默，你来回答我是谁发现了澳大利亚? 萨默：先生，是约翰尼。 4Lightning Teacher: Why is it said that lightning never strikes the same place twice? Roy: Because after it's struck once the same place isn't there any more! 闪电 老师：为什么说闪电从来不会两次击中同一个地方? 罗伊：因为它击中一个地方一次以后，那个地方就不存在了。 5The Climate of New Zealand Teacher: Matthew, what is the climate of New Zealand? Matthew: Very Cold, sir. Teacher: Wrong. Matthew: But, sir! When they send us meat it always arrives frozen! 新西兰的气候 老师：马修，新西兰的气候怎么样? 马修：先生，那里的天气很冷。 老师：错了。 马修：可是，先生!从那儿运来的猪肉都冻得硬邦邦的。

求一个英文笑话。

Let me take it down An elephant said to a mouse ,"no doubt that you are the smallest znd most useless thing that Ihave e ver seen ." "Pless ,say it again .Let me take it down ."the mouse said ."I will tell a flea what I know." 为我所用 一头大象对一只小老鼠说：“你无疑是我见过的最小、最没用的东西。” “请再说一遍，让我把它记下来。”老鼠说。“我要讲给我认识的一只跳蚤听。 Two birls Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which? Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer. Teacher: Please tell us. Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow. 两只鸟 老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？ 学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。 老师：请说说看。 学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。 The Fish Net "Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?" "A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl. 鱼网 "你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安？" 老师发问道。 "把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。" 小女孩回答道。 The New Teacher George comes from school on the first of September. "George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother. "I didn\'t like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....." 新老师 9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。 "乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗？" 妈妈问。 "妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。" A physics Examination Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard. The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunderrolls? Nick\'s answer: Because our eyes are before ears. 一次物理考试 在一次物理考试时，当同学们都还在苦思冥想时，尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。 这个问题是：为什么在打雷时，我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声？ 尼克的回答是：因为眼睛在前，耳朵在后。

10个英文笑话。

Jack feell off his bicycle and got hurt. A beautiful young nurse asked him to fill forms. Jack finished them and gave them back.'Anything else?' The nurse asked. 'Yes,'Jack thinks for a while and said,'I'm a bachelor.' 杰克骑车摔伤,得住院治疗.一位年轻美貌的护士拿着表格让填.仞杰克填好递上表格'还有什么漏填的?'护士问. '有!'杰克想了想说,'我是个单身汉.' Wife:You see.According to te statistics on thepaper,80% of those who have died of liver cancer have drunk alcohol. Husband:It's okey. To my investigation,all Thespeopleeat meals. 妻子:你看这张报纸,据统计,死于肝癌的人80%都是喝酒的. 丈夫:那有什么?据我调查,死予肝癌的人100%都吃饭的. 'Excuse me,but the seat you've taken is mine.' 'Yours?Can you prove it?' 'Yes,I put a cup of ice cream on it.' '请原谅,你占了我的位置.' '你的位置?你能征明这点吗?' '能,我在位置上放了杯冰激凌.' One day,Eve asked Adam,'Doyou really love me?' Adam said helplessly,'Do I have any other choice?' 一天,夏娃问亚当:'你当真爱我吗?' 亚当无可奈何地回答:'我还有的选择吗?' Always Thirsty 'I had an operation,' said a man to his friend, 'and the doctor lefta sponge in me.' 'That's terrible!' said the friend. 'Got any pain?' 'No, but I am always thirsty!' 总感到口渴 一个男人对他的朋友说：“我动了一次手术，手术后医生把一块海绵忘在我的身体里了。” “真是太糟糕了！”朋友说道：“你觉得疼吗？” “不疼，可是我总感到口渴。” A Useful Way Father: Jack, why do you drink so much water? Jack: I have just had an apple, Dad. Father: What's that got to do with it? Jack: I forgot to wash the apple. 一个有效的方法 爸爸：杰克，你干嘛喝这么多水呀？ 杰克：我刚才吃了个苹果，爸爸。 爸爸：可是这跟喝水有什么关系呢？ 杰克：我忘了洗苹果呀。 A Present Kate: Mom, do you know what I'm going to give you for your birthday? Mom: No, Honey, what? Kate: A nice teapot. Mom: But I've got a nice teapot. Kate: No, you haven't. I've just dropped it. 凯特的礼物 凯特：妈妈，你知道我要给你一件什么生日礼物吗？ 妈妈：不知道，宝贝，是什么呀？ 凯特：一把漂亮的茶壶。 妈妈：可是我已经有一把漂亮的茶壶了呀。 凯特：不，你没有了。我刚刚把它给摔了。

讲一个笑话的英文

请采纳我的问题 　1、一个女生前一天晚上得到男朋友的订婚戒指，但竟没有一个同学注意到，令她忿忿不平。到下午大家坐着谈天的时候，她突然站起来大声说：“哎呀，这里真热呀，我看我还是把戒指脱下来吧。”2、女主人把女佣叫到面前问她：“你是否怀孕了？”“是啊！”女佣回道。“亏你还说得出口，你还没有结婚，难道不觉得害羞吗？”女主人再次训。“我为什么要害羞，女主人你自己不也怀孕了吗？”“可是我怀的是我丈夫的！”女主人生气地反驳。“我也是啊！”女佣高兴地附和。3、一个人骑摩托车喜欢反穿衣服，就是把口子在后面扣上，可以挡风。一天他酒后驾驶， 翻了，一头栽在路旁。警察赶到：警察甲：好严重的车祸。警察乙：是啊，脑袋都撞到后面去了。警察甲：嗯，还有呼吸，我们帮他把头转回来吧。警察乙：好.....一、二使劲，转回来了。警察甲：嗯，没有呼吸了.......4、在一条七拐八拐的乡村公路上，因为时常发生车祸，所以常常有一些鬼故事发生，有一天晚上，有一个出租车司机看见路边有一个长发披肩，身着白衣的女人向他招手，因为这个司机没有见过鬼，所以大胆的停下来让她上车了，这一路上,司机虽然不信有鬼，心里也毛毛的，所以时常从后视镜看后面的女人，开着开着，突然司机发现那个女人不见了！司机吓了一大跳，赶紧踩了一个刹车！只见那个女人满脸是血，表情狰狞。司机吓的牙直打颤。突然那女人开口了：“你会不会开车啊！我低头系个鞋带你突然一刹车我把鼻子都撞破了……”5、一个病人去看病，医生检查了他，皱着眉头说：“您病得太严重了，恐怕不会活多久了。” 病人：“求您告诉我我还能活多久？” 医生：“十……” 病人着急地问：“十什么？十年？？十个月？？？十天？？？？？” 医生：“十，九，八，七，六，五……”6、老师：“你能说一些18世纪科学家共同特点吗？”学生：“能，他们都死了。”7、犀粪蜣和蚊子谈恋爱，蜣问蚊子是做什么工作的，蚊子说：“护士，打针的。”蜣一拍大腿：“缘分呐，我是中药局搓药丸的…”8、一非洲人住在某一宾馆。夜半，起火，不明原因。非洲人见状顾不了那么许多，光着身子就跑出去了。消防员见状惊呼：“我的妈呀！都烧的糊了吧区的了还能跑那么快！”9、一个人想出国考察，但必须得到老总批准。于是他向老总请示，老总给了他一张字条，上面写着：“Go ahead”。 那人想：“Go ahead=前进，老总是批准了。”于是他开始打点行李。 一个同事见到了他问：“你在做什啊？？”他说：“我准备出国考察，老总批准了，给我写了‘Go ahead’。” 同事一见条就乐了：“咱们老总根本就没批准！！咱老总的英语水平你还不知道，他这是在说去个头！”10、牧师对买了他马和马车的农夫说：“这匹马只能听懂教会的语言，叫"感谢上帝"它就跑;叫"赞美上帝"它才停下。”农夫将信将疑，他试着喊了一声感谢上帝，那匹马立刻飞奔起来，越跑越快。一只跑到悬崖边上惊恐的农夫才想起让它停下来的口令“赞美上帝”。果然，马停下来了。死里逃生的农夫长出一口气：“感谢上帝………” 我打了很久，请采纳 1 the night before, a girl get boyfriend engagement ring, but no one noticed the classmate, make her antics. You sit and chat in the afternoon, she suddenly stood up and shouted: \"oh, it's really hot in here, I think I'd better take off your ring.\" 2, the mistress called the maid to ask her: \"are you pregnant?\" \"Yes!\" The maid answered. Export \"kui you still say, you are not married, don't you feel shy?\" The hostess training again. \"Why should I be shy, you don't the hostess also pregnant?\" \"But I conceive is my husband!\" The hostess retorted angrily. \"Me too!\" The maid happy to echo. 3, a man riding a motorcycle like the dress, is to cut on the back, can the wind. Drunk driving one day, he turned over, a planted on the road. Police: police a: a good serious car accident. Policeman b: yes, his head hit the back. Po1: well, still breathing, let's help him turn his head back. Po2: good... One, two, turn back. Policeman a: well, not breathing... 4, turn in a curvy country road, because often in a car accident, so often have some ghost story, one night, there's a taxi driver saw the side of the road have a long hair shawls, dressed in a white woman waved to him, because the driver didn't see a ghost, so bold stopped to let her get on the bus, along the way, the driver doesn't believe in ghosts, the in the mind also maomao, so often the woman behind the rearview mirror to see, open open, the driver found the woman suddenly disappeared! The driver startled, hurriedly stepped on a brake! I saw the woman face is blood, grim expression. The driver frighten of teeth chatter. Suddenly the woman spoke: \"would you drive! I bow to fasten shoelaces are you smashed through a sudden brake my nose...\" 5, a patient to see a doctor, the doctor examined him, frowning said: \"you too serious ill, I'm afraid I won't live much longer.\" Patient: \"please tell me how long will I live?\" Doctor: \"ten...\" Patient anxiously asked: \"what? Ten years?? Ten months??? Ten days?????\" Doctor: \"ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five...\" 6, teacher: \"can you say some 18 th-century scientists common characteristics?\" Student: \"yes, they are all dead.\" 7, rhino poop Qiang and mosquito fall in love, Qiang asked a mosquito is to do what work, the mosquito said: \"nurse, give or take an injection.\" Qiang a clap a thigh: \"the fate, I am a traditional Chinese medicine bureau rub pills...\" 8, the africans live in a hotel. In the midnight, a fire, unknown reason. Before rushing so many africans, naked and ran out. Firefighters said exclaimed: \"my mama ah! All paste the burned area can run so fast!\" 9, a person wants to go abroad, but it must be approved by boss. So he to the manager for instructions, the boss gave him a note, it read: \"Go ahead\". The man thought, \"Go ahead = progress, boss is approved.\" So he started to packing. A colleague to see he asked: \"what are you doing?\" He said: \"I'm ready to Go abroad investigation, boss approved, wrote me 'Go ahead'.\" Colleague of joy at the sight of article: \"let's boss haven't approved!!!!! Our boss English don't you know, he is said to head!\" 10, priests to buy his horse and carriage of the farmer said, \"this horse can only understand the language of the church, call\" thank god \"it ran; called\" praise god \"it didn't stop.\" Farmer track, he tried to thank god gave a cry, the horse gallop, immediately ran faster and faster. A run to the edge of the cliff frightened farmer remembered that let it stop password \"praise god\". Sure enough, the horse stopped. Close the farmer grows a sigh: \"thank god.........\" I played for a long time, please

一个英文笑话

They are directly from America. Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience. At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."

想找一个英文的笑话

A store manager heard a clerk tell a customer. No, ma’am, we haven't had any for a while, and it doesn't look as if we'll be getting soon.Horrified, the manager came runningover to the customer and said, Of course, we'll have somesoon, We placed an order last week. Then the manager drew the clerk aside: Never, never, never say we are out of anything say we've got it on order and it's coming.Now what was it she wanted? Rain, said the clerk. 一个商店经理听见一个店员对顾客说：不，夫人，这会儿没有，一时半会儿看来也不会有。经理惊恐万分地跑到顾客跟前说：当然，马上就会有的。我们上周订了货。然后经理把店员拉到一边：千万，千万，千万不要说我们没有什么，说我们已经订了货，货马上就到。现在你说她要买什么？ 雨，店员说。 呵呵，冷笑话，挺有意思的，分享给你，望采纳！！

求一个英语小笑话

Violin Lessons "Daddy, can I learn to play the violin?" young Sarah asked her father. She was always asking for things and her father was not very pleased. "You cost me a lot of money, Sarah," he said. "First you wanted to learn horse riding, then dancing, then swimming. Now it's the violin. "I'll play every day, Daddy." Sarah said. "I'll try very hard. "All right," her father said. "This is what I'll do. I'll pay for you to have lessons for six weeks. At the end of six weeks you must play something for me. If you play well, you can have more lessons. If you play badly, I will stop the lessons." "0. K. Daddy," Sarah said. "That is fair. He soon found a good violin teacher and Sarah began her lessons. The teacher was very expensive, but her father kept his promise. The six weeks passed quickly. The time came for Sarah to play for her father. She went to the living room and said, "I'm ready to play for you, Daddy. "Fine, Sarah," her father said. "Begin. She began to play. She played very badly. She made a terrible noise. Her father had one of his friends with him, and the friend put his hands over his ears. When Sarah finished, her father said, "Well done, Sarah. You can have more lessons." Sarah ran happily out of the room. Her father's friend turned to him. "You've spent a lot of money, but she still plays very badly. he said. "Well, that's true," her father said. "But since she started learning the violin I've been able to buy five apartments in this build very cheaply. In another six weeks I'll own the whole building!" 小提琴课 “爸爸，我能学拉小提琴吗？”小莎拉问她的父亲。她总是要东西，因此她爸爸很不高兴。 “你花了我很多钱，莎拉，”他说，“开始你想学骑马，然后想学跳舞，然后是游泳。现在又想学拉小提琴。” “我会每天都拉的，爸爸，”莎拉说，“我会认真练的。” “好吧，”她爸爸说。“下面是我要做的：我会为你付六个星期的小提琴课的钱，六个星期后你必须拉首曲子给我听。如果你拉得很好，你可以继续上小提琴课，要是你拉得很差，你就不要再学了。” “行。爸爸，”莎拉说，“这很公平。” 他很快就找到了一个好的小提琴老师，莎拉就开始学拉提琴了。尽管学费很高，但她爸爸遵守了诺言。 六个星期很快就过去了。该莎拉拉提琴给爸爸听了。 她走进起居室说：“我准备好拉提琴给你听了。” “好哇，莎拉，”她爸爸说。“开始吧。” 她开始拉了。她拉得很差，发出了可怕的嗓音。她爸爸身旁有位朋友，朋友用手捂着耳朵。 莎拉拉完一曲，她父亲说：“拉得好，莎拉。你可以继续学琴了。” 莎拉高兴地跑出门去。她父亲的朋友对他说：“你已经花了不少钱了，但她还是拉得很差。” “噢，的确如此，”她爸爸说，“但自从她开始学小提琴，我就可以很便宜地买下这幢楼的五个公寓。再过六周，我就可以拥有整幢楼啦！”

一个英文笑话？什么意思？

女士:那是我要乘坐的那趟火车吗?(英文口语化所以她这样表达,字面意思是那是我的火车吗,其实是那是我要坐上的火车吗) 管理员:不,它属于铁路公司.(他理解错误了) 女士:不要搞笑了,我的意思是,我能不能坐这趟火车去纽约?(take train乘火车) 管理员:但它太重了你带不动!(take有多种含义,女士说的take是乘坐的意思,管理员理解的take是携带的意思)