1.
A bald man took a seat in a beauty shop. "How can I help you?" asked the stylist. "I went for a hair transplant," the guy explained, "but I couldn't stand the pain. If you can make my hair look like yours without causing me any discomfort, I'll pay you $5,000."
"No problem," said the stylist, and he quickly shaved his head
2,
An Englishman lost his way while he was driving in the countryside. He saw a farmer working in the field nearby, so he went nearer in his car and asked the farmer, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
"Yes, " the farmer looked at him strangely and said, "you are in your car, sir."
3,
One day a young businessman asked his girl friend, "Dear, will you marry me if I am bankrupt?"
"Of course, I will." the girl said firmly.
"Do you mean what you say?" the man asked.
"That's what I want to ask you." the girl said
4,
Hen's Legs
Son: Why are hen's legs so short?
Dad: You're a fool. If the hen's legs were too long, wouldn't they drop their
eggs into pieces when laying
5,
A boy says to her mother, Mom, is God a man or woman?
The mom thinks a while and says, Well, son, God is both man and woman.
The son is confused, so he asks, Is God black or white?
The mother replies, God is both black and white, honey.
The son, still curious, says after a while, Is God gay or straight, mommy?
The mother, getting a little worried, answers, Son, God is both gay and
straight.
The son thinks about it, and his face lights up when he thinks he finally has
answered his question: Is God Michael Jackson?
6,
Tom: My grand God, what does a millennium mean to you?
God: It only means a minute.
Tom: My omnipotent god, what do 10,000 golden coins mean to you?
God: Just a small coin.
Tom: My humane god, please give me a small coin.
God: Ok, poor man, please wait a minute.
7.
Recently, a man walked into my barbershop asking how much for a haircut. "Eight dollars," I answered.
"And for a shave?" "Five dollars." "All right," he said, settling into the barber chair. "Shave my head."
有没有英国幽默的例子或笑话，要详细的哦
What's your name?
A very strict officer was talking to some new soldiers whom he had to train.He had never seen them before,so he began:My name is Stone,and I'm even harder than stone,so do what I tell you or there'll be trouble.Don't try any tricks with me ,and then we'll get on well together
Then he went to each soldier one after another and asked him his name.Speak loudly so that everyone can hear you clearly,He said,and don't forget to call me 'sir'.
Each soldier told him his name,unitl he came to the last one.This man remained silent,and so Captain Stone shouted at him,When I ask you a question,answer it!I'll ask you again:What's you name,soldier?
The soldier was very unhappy,but at last he replied.My name is Stonebreaker,sir！he said nervously.
英国人在国外产生的笑话
人之初 ：At the beginning of life.(英翻中:生命的起初)
性本善 ：Sex is good.(白话文:性是美好的)
性相近 ：Basically, all the sex are same.(英翻中:基本上,所有的性行为是差不多滴)
习相远 ：But it depends on how the way you do it.(英翻中:但还是得依照个人的喜好而为之)
苟不教 ：If you do not practice all the time.(英翻中:若你不随时勤炼精进)
性乃迁 ：Sex will leave you.(英翻中:性将远离你的生活)
来个三字经
Money is not everything. There‘s Mastercard & Visa.
钞票不是万能的,有时还需要信用卡.
One should love animals. They are so tasty.
每个人都应该热爱动物,因为它们很好吃.
Save water. Shower with your girlfriend.
要节约用水,尽量和女友一起洗澡.
Love the neighbor. But don‘t get caught.
要用心去爱你的邻居,不过不要让她的老公知道.
Behind every successful man, there is a woman. And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.
每个成功男人的背后,都有一个女人. 每个不成功男人的背后, 都有两个.
Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.
再快乐的单身汉迟早也会结婚,幸福不是永久的嘛.
The wise never marry, And when they marry they become otherwise.
聪明人都是未婚的,结婚的人很难再聪明起来.
Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives.
成功是一个相关名词,他会给你带来很多不相关的亲戚（联系）.
Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today.
不要等明天交不上差再找借口, 今天就要找好.
Love is photogenic. It needs darkness to develop.
爱情就象照片,需要大量的暗房时间来培养. （老外也保守，要摸黑办事，哈哈）
Children in backseats cause accidents. Accidents in backseats cause children.
后排座位上的小孩会生出意外, 后排座位上的意外会生出小孩.
“Your future depends on your dreams.“ So go to sleep.
“现在的梦想决定着你的将来“,所以还是再睡一会吧.
There should be a better way to start a day than waking up every morning.
应该有更好的方式开始新一天,而不是千篇一律的在每个上午都醒来.
“Hard work never killed anybody.“ But why take the risk? “
努力工作不会导致死亡!“不过我不会用自己去证明.
“Work fascinates me.“ I can look at it for hours! “
工作好有意思耶!“尤其是看着别人工作.
God made relatives; Thank God we can choose our friends.
神决定了谁是你的亲戚,幸运的是在选择朋友方面他给了你留了余地.
When two‘s company, three‘s the result!
两个人的状态是不稳定的,三个人才是!
A dress is like a barbed fence. It protects the premises without restricting the view.
服饰就象铁丝网,它阻止你冒然行动但并不妨碍你尽情的观看.
The more you learn, the more you know, The more you know, the more you forget. The more you forget, the less you know. So why bother to learn.
学的越多,知道的越多, 知道的越多,忘记的越多, 忘记的越多,知道的越少, 为什么学来着?!
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