「英语 时间 笑话」英语短笑话
东东笑话网 ??03-15
英语短笑话
英语幽默笑话： 一：She Didn"t Say Anything A mother and son were washing dishes while the father and daughter were watching TV in the room. Suddenly, there was a crash of breaking dishes, then complete silence. The girl looked at her father and said, “It was Mom”。 “How do you know?” asked her father. “She didn"t say anything.” 二：I Have Turned It Over A woman said to her husband, “dear, look at our sheet! It"s too dirty. Would you like to wash it now?” The man looked at the sheet and then thought for a while and then said, “I don"t think it"s necessary. We can turn the sheet over. Is that all right?” 三、40 over Li lotus heart disease arises suddenly, is escorted to the hospital first aid. The condition extremely too bad, the Li lotus felt oneself nearly all already died. In the rescue, the Li lotus has heard God's sound suddenly: "You cannot die, you also may live for 45 years 6 months 02 days, has the courage to go on living!" Certainly, the result was the Li lotus miracle is revived. After the body recovers, the Li lotus thought oneself also can live for more than 40 years, then □has anxiously is leaving the hospital, first repairs the face, then makes up the lip, then is the prosperous chest, finally is the thin abdomen, continuously has undergone 4 cosmetology surgeries altogether, then was called the specialized hair stylist to visit the service, changed has sent the color, has made the new tide hairstyle, the entire stature looked at □the young several years old. After last the reshaping surgery completes, the Li lotus then happily handled left the hospital the procedure, □thought actually the ambulance which rapidly 驶过 by 撞死 in the entrance. After the heaven, the Li lotus has been angry interrogates God: "Since you had said I also may live for 45 years, then you should not eat the word." God awkwardly 耸了耸肩, replies: "Really is sorry, at that time, the vehicle hit when you... ... I have not recognized am you." 英语笑话这里面有的，可以看看： http://www.sxuu.com/loveu/Article/english/yyxx/200508/22000.html 英语幽默 双关歇后语：）~ http://www.sxszjzx.com/~t207/wht_2.htm Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning? Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go slow". 老师:为什么你每天早晨都迟到? 汤姆:每当我经过学校的拐角处,僦看见一个牌子仩写着"学校----慢行". Do You Know My Work？ One night a hotel caught fire， and the people who were staying in it ran out in their night clothes． Two men stood outside and looked at the fire． “Before I came out，” said one，“I ran into some of the rooms and found a lot of money． People don't think of money when they're afraid． When anyone leaves paper money in a fire， the fire burns it． So I took all the bills that I could find．No one will be poorer because I took them．” “You don't know my work，” said the other． “What is your work？” “I'm a policeman． “Oh！” cried the first man． He thought quickly and said，“And do you know my work？”“No，”said the policeman． “I'm a writer． I'm always telling stories about things that never happened．” 译文：（自己简单翻译） 你知道我是干什么的吗？ 一天晚上，一家旅馆失火，住在这家旅馆里的人穿着睡 衣就跑了出来。 两个人站在外面，看着大火。 “在我出来之前，”其中一个说：“我跑进一些房间，找到了一大笔钱。人在恐惧中是不会想到钱的。如果有人把纸币留在火里，火就会把它烧成灰烬。所以我把我所能找到的钞票都拿走了。没有人会因为我拿走它们而变得更穷。” “你不知道我是干什么的。”另一个说。 “你是干什么的？” “我是警察。” “噢！”第一个人喊了一声。他灵机一动，说：“那你知道我是干什么的？”“不知道。”警察说。 “我是个作家。我总是爱编一些从未发生过的故事。” Who is the laziest Father:Well,Jack,I talked with your teacher today .And now I want to ask you a question ,Who is the laziest person inyour class ? Jack:I don`t know ,father. Father:Oh,think!When other boys and girls are reading and wirting ,who sits quietly and only watch how other people word? Jack:Our teacher ,father. 更多的请点击参考资料链接。 谢谢！关于时间的英语笑话带翻译
自己上网找。有一大堆带翻译哦！英语的短笑话
I will forget it A：have you forgetten that you owe me fifty yuan？B：give me time，I will 。我会忘的。A你忘个还我50元把。B给我时间，我会忘的英语的笑话
One day a visitor from the city came to a small rural area to drive around the country roads, see how the farms looked, and perhaps to see how farmers earned their living. The city man saw a farmer in his yard, holding a pig up in his hands, and lifting it so that the pig could eat apples from an apple tree. The city man said to the farmer," I see that your pig likes apples, but isn"t that quite a waste of time?" The farmer replied," What"s time to a pig?" －－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－ A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second" 一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟." Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and says, "Congratulations, you got twins." The man said "How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins." After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets." Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers." Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says "Congratulations, you got twins x2." Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons." All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall. They asked him what's wrong and he answered, "What's wrong? I work for 7up"! 四个好朋友在医院里碰面了,他们的妻子正在生产.护士过来对第一个男人说:"恭喜,你得了双胞胎."男人说:"多奇怪呀,我是明尼苏达双子队的经理."过了一会儿,护士过来对第二个男人说:"恭喜,你得了三胞胎."男人很喜欢:"嗯,又巧了.我是3M公司的董事."最后,护士跑来对第三个男人说:"恭喜,你得了2对双胞胎."男人很开心地说:"真令人啼笑皆非,我为四季宾馆工作."他们三个都很高兴,但第四个伙伴急得像热锅上的蚂蚁,咒骂上帝并用头撞墙.他们问他有什么不对劲,他回答道:"什么不对劲?我可是在七喜公司工作呀!" 呵呵,一个比一个效率高. Osama Bin Laden, a Canadian, and President Bush were walking down the street when they saw a golden lamp. They rubbed it and a genie came out and said, "I will grant each one a wish that’s 3 together." The Canadian said, "I am a father and my son will be a farmer so I want the soil in Canada to be forever fertile." The genie said the magic words and the wish came true. Osama looked amazed so he wished for a wall around Afghanistan the genie said the magic words and again the wish came true. President Bush said "Genie, tell me more about this wall," the genie said,” It’s 50 feet thick and 500 feet tall so nothing can get in and nothing can get out." President Bush said,” Wow! That’s a big bridge...Fill it with water!!! 拉登,一加拿大人还有布什总统走在大街上看到一盏金色的灯.他们擦了擦灯出现了一个精灵.精灵说:"我要满足你们每人一个愿望总共三个."加拿大人说:"我是个父亲我儿子将成为农夫,因此我想让加拿大的土地永远肥沃."精灵说了咒语愿望实现了.拉登看了很惊奇,他希望有座城墙围绕阿富汗.精灵又说了咒语愿望又实现了.布什总统问:"精灵请告诉我关于这座墙的事情."精灵回答:"墙厚50英尺,高500英尺,因而里面的任何东西出不来外面的任何东西进不去."布什总统说:"哇!那是座大桥耶...注满水!!!" My Baby Swallowed a Bullet Young Mother: "Doctor, my baby swallowd a bullet. What shall I do ? Doctor: "Don't point him at anybody." Notes 1. to swallow a bullet: 吞下一颗子弹 2. to point at: 对...瞄准 个中意味自己体会吧 :) allybaby Once two hunters went hunting in the forest. One of them suddenly fell down by accident. He showed the whites of his eyes and seemed to have ceased breathing. The other hunter soon took out his mobile phone to call the emergency center for help. The operator said calmly:"First, you should make sure that he is already dead." Then the operator heard a gunshot from the other end of the phone and next he heard the hunter asking:"What should I do next?" 两个猎人进森林里打猎，其中一个猎人不慎跌倒，两眼翻白，似已停止呼吸。另一个猎人赶紧拿出手机拨通紧急求助电话。接线员沉着地说：“第一步，要先确定你的朋友已经死亡。”于是，接线员在电话里听到一声枪响，然后听到那猎人接着问：“第二步怎办？” fool_fox 标题：I'm the boss 内容：The boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local card and novelty shop and bought a small sign that read, "I'm the Boss". He then taped it to his office door.Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said. "Your wife called, she wants her sign back!" note:staff meeting:员工会议 再来一个：Wife's picture A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then he orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that one, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring you martinis all night long. But you go to tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill." The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife.When she starts to look good, then I know it's time to go home." note:tavern 酒馆, 客栈 martini 马提尼酒 peek/pi;k/ n.一瞥, 匆忙看过v.偷看 －－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－ An elderly couple had been experiencing declining memories, so they decided to take a memory class where one is taught to remember things by association. A few days after the class, the old man was outside talking with his neighbor about how much the class helped him. "What was the name of the Instructor?" asked the neighbor. "Oh, ummmm, let's see," the old man pondered (仔细想). "You know that flower, the one that smells really nice but has those prickly thorns, what's that flower's name?" "A rose?" asked the neighbor. "Yes, that's it," replied the old man. He then turned toward his house and shouted, "Hey, Rose, what's the name of the Instructor we took the memory class from?" 一对老年夫妇记忆力减退，决定去上一门通过联想记忆法来记忆东西的课程。 几天后，这对夫妇中的老汉同邻居交谈，提到记忆课给了他多么大的帮助。 邻居问：“教课的老师是谁？” 老汉仔细想了想，反问道：“有一种花，闻起来很香，茎上却有很多刺，叫什么来着？” 邻居说，“是玫瑰吧？” 老汉说了声“对”，然后便扭头对着家里大喊，“Rose (女名)，教我们记忆课的老师叫什么名字？” －－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－ 一天，有一个城市里的游客来到一个小乡村，在乡间路上开着车，想看看农庄是什么样子，也想看看农夫怎样种田过日子。这位城里人看见一位农夫在宅后的草地上，手中抱着一头猪，并把它举得高高的，好让它能够吃到树上的苹果。城里人对农夫说，"我看你的猪挺喜欢吃苹果的，但是，这不是很浪费时间吗?"那位农夫回答说，"时间对猪有什么意义?"英语笑话
选一选吧 1Fine for Parking Tell me again," asked the judge, "why you parked there?" The driver rose and answered respectfully(尊敬地), "Because, Your Honor, it said 'Fine for Parking'" (note: "fine" has two meanings 1) good 2) pay some money for doing something wrong. 2.Self-help I went into a bookstore the other day and asked the woman behind the counter where the self-help section was. She said, "If I told you, that would defeat the whole purpose." (note: "self-help" has two meanings 1) you take without paying 2) you can choose as you like) 3.I Couldn't Digest So Many Apples Doctor gravely(严肃地): "If you want to enjoy a long life, each time you feel like a drink. Eat an apple instead." Patient: "Sorry, I couldn't digest(消化） so many apples." 4.Is This a Question A college student in a philosophy class was taking his first examination. On the paper there was a single line which simply said: "Is this a question? " A student wrote: "If that is a question, then this is an answer." The students received an "A" on the exam. 5.A Dollar Per Point A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over, the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying, "A dollar per point." The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $64 change. 如果不好可登陆http://www.poptool.net/life/joke/127/story_5073.html英语小笑话
The preacher was vexed because a certain member of his congregation always fell asleep during the sermon. As the man was snoring in the front row one Sunday, the preacher determined he would teach him not to sleep during the sermon. So, in a whisper, he asked the congreg ation. "All who want to go to heaven，please rise." Everyone got up except the snorer. After whispering "Be seated", the minister shouted at the top of his voiced, "All those who want to be with the devil, please rise." Awaking with a start, the sleepy-head jumped to his feet and saw the preacher standing tall and angry in the pulpit, "Well, sir," he said, "I don't know what we're voting on, but it looks like you and me are the only ones for it." ============================================== 瞌睡者 牧师非常生气，因为总有一个人在他说教时打瞌睡。一个星期天，正当坐在前排的那个人又在瞌睡时，牧师决定要好好教育他一下，让他不要再在布道时睡觉。于是他低声对信徒们说：“想去天堂的人，都请站起来吧。”所有的人都站了起来——当然，除了那个打瞌睡的人。在低声说过请坐后，牧师高声喊道：“想去下地狱的人请站起来！”打瞌睡的人被这突然的喊叫声惊醒了，他站了起来。看到牧师高站在教坛上，正生气的看着他。这个人说道：“噢，先生，我不知道我们在选什么，但看上去只有你和我是候选人。英语小笑话（带翻译）短些
1、Warning Several weeks after our son began his freshman year at Alma College in Michigan, my husband and I decided to visit him.I was careful to call him a few days in advance to "warn" him that we would be coming.When we arrived at the dorm, however, I was taken aback by the disarray of his room. "Forgot we were coming, didn‘t you?" I teased."Are you kidding?" he replied, "Why else would I have bothered to clean?"
提醒我们的儿子是密歇根州阿尔马大学的新生，开学几个星期之后，我和丈夫决定去看看他。我特意提前给他打电话，“提醒”他我们将光临。但是当我们来到宿舍时，他的房间凌乱不堪，我非常吃惊。“忘了我们要来，是吧?”我取笑他。 “开什么玩笑?“，他回答说，“要不我凭什么费神打扫?” 2、Ground RulesOne of my favorite teachers at Southeast Missouri State University in Cape Girardeau was known of his droll sense of humor.Explaining his ground rules to one freshman class, he said, "Now I know my lectures can often be dry and boring,so I don‘t mind if you look at your watches during class. I do, however, object to your pounding them on the desk to make sure they‘re still running." 基本原则位于吉拉多海角的密苏里东南州立大学有一位我非常喜欢的老师，他奇特的幽默感很是出名。在对一个新生班级讲解他的基本原则时，他说：“我知道我的讲课可能经常会枯燥乏味，了无生趣，所以如果你们在上课时看表我并不介意。不过我坚决反对你们将表在课桌上猛敲看它们是不是还在走。”3、After supper, the parents were busy playing mah-jong with the guests. At this point the mother thought of something and said to her son who was watching TV,"Honey, go see if the kitchen light is on or not?"After a while, her son returned and said, "Ma, the kitchen is so dark that I cannot see it at all."晚饭后，父亲和母亲都忙着和客人玩麻将，这时母亲忽然想起点儿事来，便对正在看电视的儿子说道：“宝贝，去看看厨房里的灯是不是还开着呢？” 过了一会儿，儿子回来说：“妈，厨房里太黑了，我根本就看不见。”4、Young hopeful：“Father，what is a traitor in politics，Father（aveteranpolitician）：“A traitor is a man who leaves our party and goes over to the other one．”Young hopeful：“Well then，what is a man who leaves his party and comes over to yours？” Father：“A convert，my son．”有希望的青年人：“父亲，什么叫政治叛徒？” 父亲（一位老资格的政治家）：“叛徒指的是离开我们党而加入到另一个党的人。”有希望的青年人：“那么，离开他的党而加入到我们党的人又叫什么呢？” 父亲：“叫改变信仰者。我的儿子。”5、I do not know the reason why some people want to get up late. They will never have the opportunity to enjoy (of enjoying) the fresh air and calmness of the morning.This is indeed a quite regrettable thing.To rise early is a good habit (which) we should cultivate. Why? Because the best time when we can pursue our studies is in the morning.In addition, early rising is also good to our health. I hope that everybody our knows the reason why we must rise early.我不知道某些人要晚起的理由。他们永不会有机会来享受早晨的新鲜空气和宁静。这真是一件 发令人遗憾的事情。早起是我们应该养成的一种良好习惯。为什么？因为早晨是我们从事学业的大好时间。再者，早起对我们健康也有益处。我希望每个人应该知道我们必须早起的理由。